


Shift

by orphan_account



Series: Tumblr Fics [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Reichenbach, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 08:56:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1184333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The shift in their dynamic is unsettling and he hasn’t been able to figure out what exactly has shifted and where.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shift

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this [post](http://cptjhwatson.tumblr.com/post/39179227836/the-beauty-once-known-fyeahjohnlock-what). Not beta'd. All mistakes are my own.

They are arguing again. In quieter moments John often wonders why that is, why they argue so frequently nowadays. The shift in their dynamic is unsettling and he hasn’t been able to figure out what exactly has shifted and where. He knew why, of course, and the reason behind it all was currently fiddling with a pen and refusing to look him in the eye.

Their argument started over something trivial, like it always does these days. A chipped mug, the lack of hot water, sour milk or mud tracks in the carpet. It didn’t matter how it began, and how it continued, because it inevitably ended up being about something else entirely. Whether it was unspoken or not didn’t matter either, both of them knew perfectly well what their shouting matches were actually about. Or whom, and what said man did and didn’t do.

John was tired. So very, very tired. He wanted everything to be fine, all fine, like it used to be before. But it wouldn’t be, not until he figured out... Until he just figured it all out. For now, they are arguing again.

“For the thousandth time, I had to leave to protect you. I couldn’t risk you, or the others, being harmed in any way.” Sherlock continues to play with his pen, refusing to make eye contact. “I wouldn’t change what happened, even if I could.”

“What if something happened, something out of your control?” John asks loudly. “What if it was an accident? What would you do?” He nearly shouts this time. He pauses, takes a deep breath and continues quietly. “What would you do if I died today?”

“I’d die tomorrow.” Sherlock replies just as quietly, even before John has finished asking the question. He stops fiddling with his pen and looks up at John. John freezes, forgets how to breathe, forgets he was angry, forgets they were arguing. There is no mask on Sherlock’s face, no carefully crafted disguise. Sherlock looks back at him with an earnest and open expression, without a trace of his earlier detachment. It’s such a sudden change John doesn’t know how to react.

“I-I...” he stammers out, confused. “I- I mean you...” Sherlock moves forward, stepping into John’s personal space. “You wouldn’t-“

“I would.” Sherlock interrupts him. Without breaking eye contact he puts the pen down on a nearby table. He grips John’s left hand lightly in his own, and brings them closer to his chest. “You are far stronger than I could ever be. You lived three years in my absence; I wouldn’t survive even a day if something were to happen to you.” Sherlock raises John’s hand, clasped between his own palms, to his lips and closes his eyes. “I know the pain I have caused you.” He murmurs against John’s fingers, his lips brushing them lightly with each word. “And for that, my dear John, I owe you a thousand apologies.”

Sherlock opens his eyes and John remembers to breathe.

“I haven’t forgiven you yet.” John’s voice is steady, like his hands. A ghost of a smile dances on Sherlock’s lips.

Everything is not fine, not yet. But it will be. It has to be.


End file.
